Zen Again

It's interesting how I snap back to Zen. It was interesting to me as a child, even... and ever since then, it's something that I move away from and come back to, in terms of its aesthetics as well as its philosophy.

The goal-setting spanking that I received last week snapped me back into a state of Zen, and caused me to pick up a book that I had picked up quite some time ago, but hadn't yet read. It's appropriate, at the moment: it speaks to the idea that goals are fine, unless we get attached to the result, rather than the process.

When I'm in these states of mind, there is an accompanying need to simplify my life. I take stock of such things by making lists of the things that I'm interested in: the things I focus on. Every time I make such lists, they get shorter. ...I think I secretly hope that one day, the list will have one item on it, and there will be no need to write it, since that item will be "living". ...But, alas, I'm not there yet: not ready to accept the idea that life is life, ba-da-da-da, life. I still see myself as a programmer, a musician, an aspiring artist, a gamer, and so on. I'll write my list and try to argue why I should let one or more of the things on it go. The process continues.

I suppose at some level, my problem is being unable to synthesize those things.