More Caveats for this Imbroglio

The word of the day today, I just noticed, is imbroglio. That's just so appropos.

I want to say two things.

First, I am once again feeling that pang of guilt: I feel like this is an excercise in self-pitty. I want an objective measure to report, not some fuzzy "waahh, it hurts more today" comment that really amounts to nothing. Unfortunately, such a measure is not feasible. How does one measure clumsiness, frustration, pain, stiffness? ...There are only subjective measures for these concepts. (I could potentially measure my typing speed, say, but that seems silly.)

Second, I am still holding on to the theory that much of what I'm experiencing is simply (or at least largely) subconscious. If that turns out to be the case, I'm going to be terribly embarrassed that I'm getting people worked up about nothing. To that end, all I can say is that the emphasis is on subconscious. I am not deliberately (at least, consciously) misleading anyone. But the sheer "fuzziness" of all of this makes the scientist in me rail against the whole process. As I said: objective measures are lacking. There's no hard evidence of any downward spiral. It's literally all in my head, manufactured or not: it's personal, and I'm trying to make it publicly clear when that's hardly possible.

So, please, be careful with your comments, because I'm feeling guilty about the amount of attention this is garnering. I feel I'm on the spot, here. Perhaps it would help if I reported less often and only on items of significance. Hmmmn.

I hope this makes sense.

Argh.