Okay, that was dramatic.

Okay, I've had some time to process the day's ups and downs. I've recovered from it.... sort of. More in a moment.

First, I got a call from Herr Doktor with Lipid levels. Yup: they're high. The numbers are 438, 170, 51, 353.

What they mean: well, I don't really know. :) The key number there is the LDLs... the 353. That's the highest the Doctor has ever seen.

The plan: wait. We can't put me back on Lipitor (or anything else) until this fatigue is figured out.

Which brings me to the second point: reality check. When I said "all in my head", I meant... well... long story. Let me explain.

The fatigue is real. It's "measurable". I sleep gobs, I could merrily sleep more. ...But that's not the fatigue I'm worried about: it's the muscles. They're fatigued, and seriously so... and I've never questioned that. I can measure it: hold out my hands, twist them in mid-air... I can get maybe 20 before they just fall to my sides. Real. Tangible. Measurable.

It's the rest of this crap... the stiffness, the aches, the pain, the coordination, speed, clumsiness... all words I've used recently: those I don't understand. They're purely psychological, and I think they're being emphasized by fear.

Fear of the cramps. I know they're real, too: I've seen them. When they happen, they are very visible: these big pinches in the muscle that make the affected area look twisted. They're quite ugly, frankly. ;)

The problem is: I don't know when I'll get them. I get these pangs of pseudo-pain when I think they're coming, and I don't know if those are real or imagined, and that's part of the problem. I'm the monkey in the cage, being given shock-therpay... but I don't know when or why I'm getting them.

That's literally causing me psychological damage. Literally. Because I don't know when these things will occur, I'm manufacturing all sorts of reasons to avoid what I think is going to happen. Like the stiffness, like the mini-cramps... the flinching... so on and so forth. I suspect these are defensive mechanisms.

At least, this is my current working theory. And I think it makes a lot of sense. It's rooted in science, which makes me happy. ; )

What's more, this gives me a new focus: let's figure out the source of this fatigue, 'cause I'm sure the cramps are a sife-effect of the fatigue (again: my theory is that it's simply a lack of aerobic energy cycles), and the randomness of the cramps are causing all manner of chaos on my poor brain.

So, I agree with the doctor: hold off on the cholesterol, 'cause we need to fix the fatigue.

In the meantime, I should probably just... take it easy. But not too easy, 'cause just sitting around is bad for lactic buildup, too! It's a matter of striking an appropriate balance.

Much to think about. ...But at least I've gotten a grip on things, again.

Sheesh. So much trouble, such a minor little problem.

Oh... right. Also: I don't have arthritis. (Nor a host of other auto-immune problems.)

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