As of this writing, here's what I believe about my "condition":

It's a combination of three things.

  1. Bad blood. I don't know what that means, and I don't know how serious it is, but I list it first, because I think it's the starting point for most of this, and it's the only thing for which I have medically-provable evidence. It could be linked to my high cholesterol (for those who don't know, the last time I had it measured, I was at about 280): we will find out this week, because I just had a lipid panel taken today.
  2. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. This would explain the trouble typing and keyboarding and other fine-manipulation problems... though I am not experiencing the standard "shooting pain" associated with it, I think that's a factor of #3. Several people have suggested this already, and I've railed against it, citing the fact that I wear braces, I do stretches, I change tasks... I'm paranoid about it. ...But that could be exactly why I am experiencing none of the typical pains of CTS, but the typical nerve-damage symptoms.
  3. Hypochondria. This explains the fatigue, trouble walking, trouble speaking, and "severe pain".
Here is what I (think I) know about hypochondia: it's a form of chronic worry. There are some who think it's a form of OCD: you keep checking yourself for symptoms. A typical case of hypochondria will involve "latching on" to a particular diagnosis and insisting you have that problem, and despite any evidence to the contrary, you'll continue insisting that's the problem... but I know that, so my suspicision is that my subconscious is cleverly not allowing that to happen, but is instead latching onto these vague, un-measurable metrics, like pain and fatigue and "slurred speech" here and there.

This morning, I awoke as I usually do--with my calves warning about cramping. Finding a bit of resolve, I decided, fine. Cramp. Screw you. I got the cramp, I took it, I continued on. ...And, to my surprise, what I've found on "the other side"... is pretty much the same. The muscles continue to complain... but they don't get worse. I haven't had another cramp, yet, despite contiunued "threats". They're definitely tight muscles... but so what?

Alright, it could be that I'm having another good day... another "Air Show Day". (I recently went to see the Thunderbirds at the AFB, and didn't have any trouble being on my feet for most of the day.) We'll see. But even if that's the case, I'm taking advantage of it. ...well... other than the fact that I just took a three-plus-hour "nap", heh.

Now. ...All that said, my wife woke up this morning with--guess what--a leg cramp! So, there could very well be some environmental factor contributing to this as well. It could be, say... a gas leak, a weird microbe in the air filters... I dunno, any number of minute things. But at the moment, I think that I have been way too focused on myself for way too long that hypochondria can't be a factor here. I mean, last night I was watching my own eye changing dilation, and thinking, "oh, shit, that can't be normal"! ...C'mon.

So, what does this mean for you, dear reader?

I don't know. Should you question everything I say? Should you coddle me? Should you push me? Should you caution me? Should you ignore me? I honestly don't know. I have promised you all that I would be honest and transparent, so that's all I'm doing right now.

Yes, I realize that I could be falling into the opposite trap, where something really is wrong, and if I operate under the assumption that it's subconscious, I might end up pushing myself too far and really doing more damage. So I'll be cautious. But as of this writing, that's what I believe, and until I get some hard evidence, I'm not going to feed into it any more than I already have by writing this big long post that I'm making everyone read.


I have a high opinion of myself, and that includes my subconscious self. It's capable of making me feel pretty shitty.

Fortunately, if it is somatising (which, I gather, is the "PC" term for hypochondria), that's also something that a Neurologist can help detect and treat. So I'm not changing my plans to see one. (Not to mention CTS!)

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